The picture is hard to read but it was the only written documentation I had to show. 3/7/2008 I was 179 pounds(5'9") and a size 10. Perfect for me, but my mental state wouldn't rejoice in that moment, instead it was the beginning of my enormous weight gain(it took 8 1/2 month).
81lbs of shock, resentment, anger, sadness, depression, surgery, stopped smoking. Seriously, it started 12/30/2007, this was the day I received a letter letting me know my 2 1/2 year battle over child child support with my ex was lost by ME and I had a renowned expert! Yes, we were literally SCREWED.
But that was minor compared to the next 3 years.
Jan. 2008 - domestic incident occurred that caused me to kick my current husband out of the house
Feb 2008 - Family issues blew up; I stopped all contact with my mother, stepfather and 1 sister
Mar 2008 - Husband and I started talking about our issue
Apr 2008 - Buyer for our home fell through
May 2008 - Husband and I decided to reconcile.
July 2008 - Served with custody papers by the ex
Sept 2008 - Have buyer for our home in Monroe LA
Oct 2008 - Custody hearing cancelled at last minute
Nov. 2008 - Youngest son ended up in hospital with stress induced high blood pressure. Closed on old home, closed on new home. We move to Conway, AR
Jan 2009- Custody hearing with over 20 witnesses cost us over $10K, judge wouldn't let children testify. Judge divided custody. Gave my youngest son to my ex husband who rarely had ANYTHING to do with his kids and I got the oldest son. This was the absolute worst moment of my entire life. My child wasn't taken from me because I was a bad mother. He took him because of my decision to reconciled my marriage.
Feb 2009 - My youngest son was removed from our home; I received my Nikon D90
Mar 2009 - Oldest son causes problems from the custody battle and the move
April 2009 - Diagnosed with uterine fibroid. I was having a period every two weeks.
June 2009 - Hysterectomy and Stopped smoking
July 2009 - Three major bladder infections, one sends me to ER.
Sept 2009 - My father informs me he is getting married and wants me to meet my soon to be step mother. Son and I drive to Missouri to meet her. My first time seeing my father in 8 years.
Oct 2009 - My husband's mother passes away
Nov 2009 - My mother has us for Thanksgiving for the first time in 2 year; Uncle states I am not welcome at the "farm" where the family was to have Thanksgiving. Started having foot problems
Dec 2009 - Father is getting married in Stuart, FL and wants us to attend; Provides us with a two day pass to Walt Disney World. Met all new family; Foot problem become severe.
Jan 2010 - Finally and fully healed from Hysterectomy after several silver nitrate treatments; Join a Gym
Feb 2010 - I think my sister told me I was going to be an aunt again. Went to doctor despite going to gym and restricted diet I only lost 6 pounds. He put me on Effexor.
Mar or Apr 2010 - Father was in Paris on trip this was a opening point of anger beginning to boil inside of me; Oldest son finally gets his drivers license! Foot becomes so painful I have to stop the gym.
May 2010 - My son, who was on the A & B Honor Roll in Monroe, LA; has now flunked algebra. He has never flunked anything; Doctor tells me to stay off foot as much as possible.
Aug 2010 - Baby sister has third child.
Sept 2010 - Photographed my first wedding and started seeing a podiatrist
Oct. 2010 - Diagnosis with very low Vitamin D levels, started prescription Vitamin D
Nov 2010 - I started to snap out of my fog My journey towards gaining control over my life. Forgave my mother and father and started OVER!
Dec 2010 - Foot surgery, Stopped Effexor, Christmas at my sisters in Monticello AR. Niece has strep
Started the blog and 365 photo.
Jan 2011- Vowed to continue on a positive path and deal with the emotional side of my eating. Today (17th)marks the three year anniversary, that forever changed my life and my husband life. Today, I love, honor and cherish my husband and our marriage because we are a minority....we survived, happily, survived.
There have been through many positive changes over the past couple of months, and I feel that I am ready to tackle the weight issue. My weight gain is beyond just me "liking" or "loving" food. It has been my best friend for far to long, my comfort, my security. Well this bitch has become a problem! Sex is difficult, walking more than a mile is a freaking workout, my titties are so big that if I get any bigger I am going to have to have a special made bra, clothing has gone from cute and fun to fat and frumpy! I am ready to get my relationship with food back to where it should be, in control.
I hope by admitting my addiction and by posting my "now" weight. I can, with the help of Google, Amazon, and the love and support of friends and family in real life as well as those far away who read this blog, or are on facebook, tackle the addiction and healing my body. My self sabotaging behavior in the past drove to posting my now weight. I needed to "see" and "read" that I am holding myself accountable for behavior that will jeopardize my progress.
Everyone knows, that no matter what lifestyle or diet you chose, if you are addicted, you do not control anything....including porportion. Excuses always made. Well NO MORE!!! I will not pressure myself with any weight loss numbers. In other word, if I lose 2lbs or 10lbs per month, I will celebrate the small victories and not depress myself with futher feelings of failure. I want this for me. I am just going to continue to love me and allow changes to occur naturally. The way I have chosen to eat now is due to my stomach problems and not a so called diet. Whatever I do will be permenantly done, not just temporary. Food will no longer be a reward. PERIOD.
I have this theory that if I heal my heart and my mind that I will heal my body. I really really believe this and believe in me for the first time in a long time. I am not, and will not, wear rose colored glasses through this journey. It is a challenging, it is difficult, I will be changing a habit that is as strong as Nicotine, as pleasing as sex, but a necessary evil that I will face every single day. Food is my addiction, my best friend. Again, I only "need" enough to live, not drown! It is time to stop the excuses, it is time to conquer a long standing nemesis. I will share my thoughts, research and information on understanding and tackling my addiction with studies. I will share my struggles and progress, and celebrate this new beginning, this new life on 11/11/11 (my birthday!) and I want to do something special!!!!
Don't worry my blog will not become just a weight loss blog....those can be boring!!! My blog will still remain a complete emotinal mixture of me!
YOU GO GIRL. IM BEHIND YOU ALL THE WAY AND WITH THIS ATTITUDE ON THIS BLOG, BELIEVE ME, YOU WILL MAKE IT.....PLEASE KNOW I WILL BE CONSTANTLY WATCHING AND READING YOUR BLOG THE WHOLE WAY OF YOUR NEW LIFE THAT STARTED ON 11/11/11......GOOD LUCK AND YOU WILL DO IT.
ReplyDeleteI think you have the right idea. Stress is a major issue. Since my wife was diagnosed with cancer last year I have gained 30 lbs even though my workload doubled at home. Food and sleep become self medication for stress. People keep telling me the caregiver has to take of themselves too. It isn't going to be easy,but has to be done. Keep up the good work.
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