A HEARING AID made me cry LIKE A BABY

This afternoon, I took on the task of reading about our new health insurance benefits.  My husband's company ABB ( http://www.abb.com/ ) has always provided it's employees with fantastic health, dental and eye insurance.  Since he returned back with ABB in 2002, we have always had Atena.  Due to cost, ABB changed insurance carriers. They decided on United Health Care.  I was mad because of previous experiences with UHC, it was going to be horrible! 

Biting my lip, finger on the mouse, I click the benefits tab, then let out the sigh of "tedious reading of health benefits ahead".  It wasn't going to be so tedious, I have an alterior motive.  I wanted lap band surgery really really bad. My weight is at the highest EVER and I am miserable! I just needed, WANTED, a little "self confidence" kick in the form of un-natural restricton of my stomach surgery.  Sadden when I thought about it. What would the men, women and children, from countries where starvation is prevealant, say to me if they could talk to me?  They would probably give me a good bitching,  " Julia Sugarbaker" style!  Now think about it, I would pay to alter my stomach because I apparently can't stop shoveling food down my pie hole and here they are starving!  They would so love to have just some of my food even some of my fat! I admit, the vanity bug had hit me. My affinity obviously didn't stop my selfish need to know if it was a covered benefit.  Click on
Benefit, section one "The Coverage", click......

Now I don't know if this is common, never remembered anything like this before, but it warmed my heart knowing they are really considering the patient and the family as well as the expense of the donor!

• "If a separate charge is made for a bone marrow/stem cell search, the Plan will pay up to $25,000 for all charges made in connection with the search." 

I was rather impressed. Shortly after, I read,

• "Coverage for Clinical Trials at a Cancer Resource Services designated facility is covered as part of this benefit.  Travel and Lodging Assistance is available as part of the Cancer Resource Services program. $50/$100 per diem with a Lifetime ...Maximum of $10,000." 

Can I say wow? Isn't this great?!  UHC is also covering some alternative approaches such as acupuncture and chiropractics.  Then, I click on the "Special Services" section.  This section usually contains the prosthetics, reconstructive surgery, diabetes help, cochlear implants...... 

I stopped at cochlear implants and got mad.  I was just about to post a sarcastic remark on facebook, when I decided to read a little further.  Scrolling slowly the words began to move up, the words "Hearing Aids". I will always read this section, wishfully thinking.  I have had a hearing disability since birth; however, it was not discovered until the 2nd grade.  I prepare myself for the usual jargon and then the usual word "cosmetic" "benefit not covered".  

Then, these beautiful words

• Benefits are available for a hearing aid that is purchased as a result of a written recommendation by a Physician.

These beautiful words was my brain translating it right??? I have to re-read these words 3 times before the tears begin to flow. 

I immediately called my husband and could barely talk through all the emotions that were pouring out of me.  I literally, was crying like a baby.  I cried for extreme gratitude I had for ABB at that moment.  Happy tears, my god, my life was seriously about to change completely!

For those who know about hearing exams, this will give you an idea of where I was then in 1999.  I have degenerative (will become worst as I age) bi-lateral(affecting both ears) high frequency (parts of speech, birds, crickets, sirens, alarm and ringtones in the high frequency range). 

This type of hearing loss is debilitating in social situations. 

• Self confidence is smashed when trying to hear in a crowd, restaurant or bar because I have responded incorrectly or inappropriately. Why? Because I couldn't hear you. I tried, but I "heard" incorrectly.
• I am absolutely terrified of meeting someone new for the first time.  I fear the reactions, the question, the rejection.  This is after years and years of ADULT strangers asking, "You got something in your mouth".  Or my personal insulting favorite "Why do you talk so funny?".  Some "adults" ask the question with an exaggerated imitation of my lisp.  So exaggerated infact, that I can "see" their speech.  Read their facial expressions.  That's how I can tell without fully hearing. 42 years later you can see the hurt in my eyes, the red of my cheeks, hear the stumbling of my words, incomplete sentence structure, my half attempt at a laugh while telling myself, "stick and stones".  Well, whomever that asshole was who came up with that quote should be shot! I will leave it at that!

I explain, I have a hearing loss. Which leads to the quizzical  "huh?" look. Then, I reply, "Can deaf people talk clearly if at all?"  A moment that could've be used as a "boo ya" type reaction from me.  Instead, become a ticking panic that sends my brain into a frenzy.  My brain begins plotting my escape from this situation before I embarass myself by crying.  I have countless horror stories like this from childhood to present day.  I seem can appear confident in a situation like this, but when I am alone........

• I have been denied a job strictly because of my hearing.  I couldn't hear the alarm at a government agency.  Yes, it was against the law but I knew better than to persue it. 
• I have had to quit jobs because of it.  Any foreign communicators is out. It is very difficult to comprehend, physically and mentally tiring. I struggled in a class in college with a foreign professor. 
• Businesses that refuse to change phones or get an enhancer/amplifyer.  I will never forget standing right beside a business phone (call in orders were part of the business) and a customer looked at me and said are you going to answer that phone.  I looked at him stunned, I never heard it ring. The boss did nothing about that phone that tweeted instead of rang.  Actually, he laughed, he was an asshole anyway.
• Sitting in the front row is manditory because I read lips.  I must "see" you to "hear" you.
• Whispering is completely out, yet people still do it.  I know they don't understand or just forget.
• I have had huge arguements with my husband and kids because I didn't hear them correctly.  The television has closed captioning permenantly displayed.
• Birds, crickets, car issues, kitchen timers, some household fire alarms, alarm clocks, etc.

I had a chance to test a digital hearing aid 8 years ago.  It was the most amazing experience ever!  I could completely HEAR and UNDERSTAND someone down the hall, talking BEHIND me!!!  Impossible without the aids.....I cried then too. My happiness was short lived when I found out that the aids I needed cost $2,000.00 per ear!  I had to have two because my loss is bi-lateral. $4000.00 for aids that had a life span of 5 to 7 years?? Are you kidding me???  Even if I financed it, it would take me that long to pay those off before needing new ones!  I couldn't do that to my family.  At the time my oldest needed braces, his needs overshadowed mine.  I would have it no other way. 

So, maybe now you can understand how precious of a gift ABB has just given to my family and to me.  ABB chose these "special benefits" for their employee, this wasn't a standard health insurance policy.  My hopes of obtaining a proper digital hearing aid that we can afford is within the next 6 to 9 months! Oh and the Lap-Band surgery, it isn't covered under our plan, and I am perfectly happy!