: to form a hierarchy, series, or sequence of with each member, element, or set contained in or containing the next <nested subroutines> The smaller bowl is designed to nest inside the larger one.
An onion is formed this way. Layer after layer. I believe every human being grows and matures this way. For every obstacle in my path, for every disappointment, let down, mistake I have made, there has been, and will be some sort of lesson. I might have learned quickly. A new layer is formed (Greater Widsom and inner happiness). Some lesson have taken a little longer than others and stunted my emotional growth and well being. Living in the past, trying to figure out or trying to understand the past did nothing for me. It just stopped me for gaining new growth, and no new "layer" was formed.
I would grant forgiveness or an accepted apology without fully getting over the past. I aquired a "false sense of growth". Always assured myself, I had moved on. Deep down, I still harbored those feelings of anger, resentment. Feel sorry for me, woe pityful me or constantly blaming someone else for my failures in life and relationships NOT IMPROVING? OMG I was a false forgiver/apologizer! It was awful. I didn't understand the "awfulness" of it, until I started connecting it to other negative areas of my life. My false growth produced layers that were weak, split, broken, damaged. Never fully growing a new healthy layer.
It was only when I took the time to nurture myself, stop listening to everyone else, stop being afraid, stop trying to change the past and REALLY, TRULY forgave without stipulations. BAM BOOM! Holy smokes Batman, I am all of the sudden growing like crazy! I am growning by leaps and bounds and it was scary. I even asked myself, am I about to die?
Let me explain that.
When I was pregnant for the second time, I went on a crazy cleaning spree. I even raked my entire front yard when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant! My mother said I was "nesting". "What do you mean I am nesting?" She explained that nesting was a term used for getting your house "nest" in order to bring a baby home. Baby must be on his way soon, as in the next few days......
Wonderful "tale", but my baby had to be hard headed and wait til his due date! LOL Anyway, Ye old oven broke, took it out, and didn't replace it! So, then I thought, "Maybe this some type of primal instinct? Where your body begins to communicate with the brain,
"Hey, Hey you. Um, hate to tell you this but you are dying".
NO we do not "nest" before we die! Thank You LIFE!!!
A person might do the "coming to Jesus" before they die type of apology or forgivance. Those are the people who, in fear, can only apologizing or forgive because they have this overwhelming sense to make everything right. Bible/religious fear, "don't want to go to hell" type of pressure. Listen people, death apologies don't allow for growth. Seriously think about it! All those feeling of disontent are gone, but you can not enjoy the fruits of what is about to come out of apologizing or forgiveness! You are dying, remember? All those years lost, all those years unhappy, all those years of stunted emotional grown. Sad.
Well I am here to tell you, "I am not dying"! My forgiveness, my apologies are REAL, and from the heart. I have worked very very hard to get where I am, and I can not tell you how FREAKING GREAT IT FEELS!!!! I do not be done without maturity and a complete understanding of the bigger picture. I may be a little late in the game, but I have another good 40 to 50 years to live! I don't plan on living the rest of them weighed down with emotional baggage. My well-being is #1 priority in my life. I am going to be happy, I am going to embrace my life and run with it. I experiencing the most incredible, most emotional journey of my ENTIRE life with the people who are important to me. I want to enjoy the fruits of my work. Nesting before dying? I don't think so! I am nesting before LIVING!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment