I sat for hours debating what to write about tonight. So finally, I said to myself, "Janet, you have got to be the bigger person here". It takes a big person to admit when they are wrong or sorry, but it takes even a bigger person to forgive.
I don't know if forgiveness is a word of value to everyone, just a few, or only the religious? I don't know about others, but I do know about me. I need to forgive. If for nothing else I must for my psyche. So, what does this word mean to me? It means, "hey you made a mistake, said you were sorry or not, but either way, I choose to let it go". I am mentally freeing that negative energy, and replacing it with something of value to me.....forgiveness. The feeling, the high is empowering! The proverbial weight of the chest feel.
My husband has played a role in my quest for growth and betterment by continually reminding me "You have got to stop allowing others to control your emotions"! Immediately and aggressively I snap back stating, "I don't allow people to control MY EMOTIONS!!" A Very "emotional" response. I had indeed, had allowed him and others to control my emotions by my defensive remark. Can you say duh? Yeah, I can see it now, and I felt like a complete buffoon when I finally had the understanding of the statement 5 years later. Isn't it amazing how much widsom is bestowed upon us within 5 years? LOL. Now don't get me wrong, I am not perfect and there are days that I struggle with this statement, especially when it is someone of significant value or a family member.
Today, was on of those days and boy did I snap. Teeth out, nails drawn, ears back. I was in complete defensive attack mode! All over this statement written in a facebook email.
Here's the statement:
"You are false in celebrating a holiday that is all about honoring God if Jewish and the birth of the Son of God If you're Christian. All the gift giving comes from God's gift to us and all the gifts given to the Christ child. I do think you are being false to celebrate something you don't believe in. Over the last month or so you've shared all about your crafts, stocking, ....you are working so diligently on."
How dare this bitch say this shit to me, hello you are my cousin, you are claiming to be Christian and you tell me I am being FALSE? Oh, HELL NO!
Needless to say I wasn't nice - I had ALLOWED her to control my emotions. I proceeded to quote my education about the holiday:
Much of what people associate with Christmas, a holiday that is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus, actually pre-dates Christianity. Traditional Christianity celebrates the death of holy people, not their birth. In 274 CE, though, pagan emperor Aurelian proclaimed Decemer 25th Natalis Solis Invicti, the festival of the birth of the invincible sun. Saturnalia already occurred around this time along with many other celebrations. Christians took over this and other Roman festivals. Even Christians explain the birth of Jesus was NOT on December 25th. http://www.ucg.org/bible-faq/jesus-christ-born-december-25-christmas.htm.... so do not proclaim me to be False....for you are wrong......and that is what PISSES Me off!
Five minutes later she was removed from my friends list and blocked. I was extremely angry! Oh the anger was sickening and not good for my body nor mind. I was saying to myself, "why are you so angry?". Here, it is the holidays, she is only stating what she has always been told, half truths and whole lies and keeps passing it down from one generation to the next. I shouldn't be piss, I should feel sorry for her. Why? because of her ignorance, she has insulted me and insulted all who LOVE ALL. However, my actions were not very loving....I do recognize this BUT some people are best loved from a distance. Facebook isn't distant enough and my forgivenss doesn't mean she has to be my friend!
Recently, within the past week, after 18 years I came out of the atheist closet. This is as close as I can get to experiencing what a gay or lesbian may go through when they come out to family members. You just read how I felt, imagine what they have to put up with. All the HATE, All the IGNORANCE. It is ALL un-necessary! I'll talk more on my coming out experiences as I grow and mature through this blog. But tonight, on the eve of Christmas Eve, remember we are all Human Being no matter what our race, religion, or sexual origin is. All Human Beings deserve respect and love regardless of what we believe, therefore make a resolution with yourselves to LOVE ALL and to make it once again a perfect 10.
"Change the World" Eric Clapton
Well I must say, I learned a few things and I feel like I know you a little better. I guess it would be a lot more freeing to journal,(out loud) so to speak. I have journaled some but, not ever where others could read and comment on it. It's like taking a huge step toward uncovering everything. We all have some things about ourselves that aren't usually discussed for one reason or another. I think mostly we choose to avoid the reactions of others and the percussion of ruffled feathers. I do believe in God and I worship him, but I don't begrudge those who choose to believe differenty. We are all human beings regardless of how we believe we got here. Love is love no matter who gives it. Love your blog and I will be back =-)
ReplyDeletexmaillady, First and foremost, thank you for reading and thank you for agreeing to disagree but still loving!
ReplyDeleteComeback anytime!
I try not to judge others based on their sexual orientation, race or Religious Beliefs. I respect your right to choose your belief practices. I am not a textbook Christian. I have a strong faith and believe in Jesus as my savior, but I choose not to attend organized services for my own personal reasons. I admire you for being strong and confident enough to make your private beliefs public.
ReplyDeleteJanet, i love the way you talked about forgiveness. Sorry you had to deal with the cousin who couldn't deal...I wonder what people think they have to gain by attacking someone like you were attacked today, but i think it shows very strong character on your part to try to forgive. I myself have forgiveness issues sometimes especially if someone hurts one of my babies. It's something i have to be conscious and aware of on a daily basis...
ReplyDeleteLove the blog, Janet. Although I consider myself Christian I find myself appalled at how other self proclaimed Christians act or, rather, react when they encounter someone of a differing viewpoint. At the heart of the Bible is the instructions to love and accept everyone and to help those less fortunate or who cannot help themselves. So why are these same people the very ones who are the first to judge others, point fingers in accusation and hold life time grudges? I do not know, but I find it ironic that a self proclaimed atheist is better able to understand the TRUTH than they. Thank you for creating this blog and opening it up for comments. Even though we may not believe quite the same, you are always honest and fair and I am proud to consider you my Facebook friend ;)
ReplyDeleteSharon I just saw this comment and thank you. You my dear have been a great inspiration to me via photography. You believed in me enough to recommend me.....that speaks LOADS. I believe that if we could remove religion for just a moment, we might find we all can love and appreciate each other for who we are not what we believe.
ReplyDeleteNot to leave out Kristi and Becky....both of your have inspired me too, just in different ways. I am honored to have your comments!