Sometimes, "Because I told you so" just isn't acceptable. I'm a parent, and I said so!

Today, my youngest son (aka T). came and sat down beside, "Mom do you think I can get B (older brother aka B) to take me to GameStop?" "And the pet store?", I replied back.  We had a rather simple discussion, and it came down to me telling T to call his dad(aka DNA or dad) and ask him if it is ok if he buys a lizard with his Christmas money. His dad said he would have to talk to the step-NONDNA (stepmother) and would call him back.

• A little background: I have two male children by the same man. I have the oldest one and he has the youngest one. The story behind why this is the way it is, well it is hugely complicated, and depressing. Personally, I am just not ready to dive into the depths of hell to talk about it openingly.  That day will come soon enough, but until it does, you will just have to understand, I have a  very deep, deep, deep dislike for the DNA of my children. No one has ever hurt me a deeply as this person has, no one else ever can.  He is evil, under handed and a backstabber.  He is the worst possible person on the face of this earth.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel like I have failed my children by having him as their DNA.  Yes, I know these are very harsh words but DO NOT JUDGE me because YOU can not ASSUME anything!  Period. I love my children with all my heart and I might bitch and gripe but I assure you, my children know without a shadow of a doubt that I love them and would do anything to protect them, and they even know the snake of a person their DNA is.

I told T, "If your daddy says yes, then I must hear these words".  T has a habit of saying "Dad doesn't care".  No, sure he doesn't care..... until I see the look on his face, forming right in front of us as he realizes what T's latest purchase is. Eye brows go from up to down, eyes in emotionalist state, then the head begins to shake to the left and right as if his son has committed some disappointing act. Shocked,  I look at him wondering, "Why would you do that to a child that is so happy, and so happy to show you?"  Did you tell him specifically he couldn't have that toy??, then you hear the DNA finally speak, "Son I told you, or son why would you......spend your money on THAT?"  Give me a fucking break?  Since when is it a parent's right to decide what a child purchases with HIS money that he has earned or been given?  Ok, let me clarify that, with in parental boundaries.  Now I would have a problem certain things, that are deadly, inappropriate age wise, etc. BUT this is where the DNA and I differentiate.  When you tell your child why he can not purchase something. You, as a parent, should have an explanation.  It should come to a point in your childs life that:  1. Those words don't work anymore, 2. Your child is old enough to understand and deserves an explanation. 3. Didn't YOU always hate those word "Because I said so"?

This "child" is freaking 13 years old, Hello?????

• I can not question the DNA.  I do not have a right to question his parenting skills, even if I see it hurts my child.  He lets me know, in so many words, that he is the custodial parent. It is ashame that we can't talk about this, we used to, but not anymore.

Ok back to the point before I write a freakin' book! 

So, the DNA calls back evidently because I could hear T throwing a fit in his room.  "T", I yelled, "Come mere".  T walks into the room with eyes red and attitude in his voice,"What?"  I said, "What is wrong and why are you crying?" T with tears in his eyes, "I hate my life, and dad". "T, don't talk like that. What did your dad say?".

"Dad said that I can't have a lizard or any pet because I am not mature enough and he said I can't have any plastic toys, and he called them by names Legos and Connects! Why can't he let me have at least the toys I like!" T bangs his fist on his leg, "Dad said I couldn't have any toys!".  Grimiced expression came across my face and I looked at him raising my voice "What? No toys??  What do you mean no toys?", "NO TOYS MOM", he yelled.  T was upset as was I.  How can a parent say NO TOYS?????  Oh and the immaturity part?  Hmmmm how do I tell this part?

• T lives in my hometown with his DNA.  Very small town with the drama to match! Anyway, two kids over the past 2 years have been paralyzed from chest/waist down due to 4-wheeler accidents.  Kids we know!!!  So anyway, a few weeks ago T calls and says, "mom guess what dad bought me for Christmas? A 4-wheeler!". "Really T?", I express my disappointment and explained why. But you know kids, they believe they are invincible. "Mom, it will be ok". So then a week later I call DNA and inform him I am giving T $100.00 for Christmas towards his tires because that is what he said he wanted.  Yes, you guessed it! DNA is telling T, our 13 year old son that his Christmas money HAS TO go towards paying for two tires on this CHRISTMAS Present! $250.00 of his gift money. OMFG are you kidding me???? I am sorry but am I alone in thinking there is something wrong with this???? Anyway, DNA laughs and says, "yeah I got a steal on this 4-wheeler from an 84 year old man in Conway". In my shock responsive way, "In Conway, you caome to Conway? So, Why didn't you call B?". DNA said in a cowboy like swaggering voice "Well, it was a rushed trip aaaaaaannnnnnnddd, we didn't have time".  Yeah, you read that right he didn't have fucking 5 minutes to say "Hi" to his son!  Wow Janet where did you find this winner? (yes I just spoke to myself).

Ok, So back again to the main point, sorry. So now I have established my 13 year old is mature enough to have a http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=honda+fourtrax+250+1985+age+restrictions&view=detail&id=0D390A603A93AFEA18A425468E0DDCCE8C43012E&first=1&FORM=IDFRIR&qpvt=    this toy that can KILL him or DAMAGE him for life but, isn't mature enought to take care of a lizard in a tank? Then to tell him no plastic toy e.g. Legos and Connects, because "you aren't a baby" or "you're too old for those". Yet buy all the video game you want! I asked T, "Why would your dad say that to you? Do you leave them lying around?" "No Mom!" "Didn't you ask him T?", T yelling in an upset fustration " Mom if I ask, dad takes it as arguing!" "Arguing? It isn't arguing! It is a question! You have a right to ask a question!" I said, taking my stand.....T stomped off and said, "you don't understand and I don't want to be grounded!".  Imagine getting grounded for asking a question? 

Subconscience talking again: "You don't provide an explanation and you are taking away his possible creativity outlet???  You would rather our child play a video game than to be creative????? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?" Yes, I was angry and hurt and upset.  I called T back into the room and said, "T, you go buy you whatever lego, connect set you want and you can keep it here at my house.  You have a right to be a kid".  He came into the kitchen a 30 minutes later hugging me, and said, "mom thank you for putting me in a better mood".  We sat down and played around with shrinky dinks....allowing him to be Creative!

Every child deserves explanation. Every parent should explain in the best way possible for their age.  "Because I said so", is becoming less and less accepted as a reason.  Each generation is starting to say,  ((waving their hands in the faces of adults))Um,  "I deserve to know why".  Afterall, we adults DO NOT and WOULD NOT accept such an answer from anyone of authority who said, "Because I said so"!  As my smart and current husband, Jeff used to tell me,  "We are raising future ADULTS not CHILDREN".